There was a strange anticlimax to all the excitement I had been feeling around this extraordinary encounter. I felt let down; I had received a glimpse of a relationship on a level that confounded me but now there was nowhere to go. My partner in this adventure refused to have anything more to do with me. Our relationship had become strained. The positive energy between us had evaporated like a will o’ the wisp. I think she felt that I had been abusing powers inherent in the universe; she believed I had been invading her psychic field and that I was the cause of this strange connection between us. I felt at a loss, wondering what this was about for me. Eventually I decided to put it behind me; it was time to move on. Although I seemed unable to control her image entering my conscious mind, I could make a choice on what to do when it happened. I resolved that whenever her image appeared in my mind, I would consciously switch gears and impose another thought or image. I would be like a pirate ship repelling rebel boarders who would not gain a foothold in my mind. I committed not to create the train of thought that led irrevocably to fantasy.
All went well with my new strategy; the power of her image to impose itself on my conscious awareness began to diminish, I seemed to be winning my battle and I felt hopeful that perhaps I was no longer having a negative effect on her. Then something very strange happened. I woke up at 2.05 am to a sense that there was a presence of some kind in my bedroom. For a moment it felt quite alarming, then I knew it was loving and I sensed it was connected to the object of my psychic connection. I relaxed and began to feel something like a charge of electrical energy flowing through my body. I did not try to understand it; I relaxed and allowed the connection; it felt quite blissful, somewhat sexual, a communion; it was as though I was experiencing a spiritual intimacy with my Beloved. It went on for hours then finally I felt the energy disappear; it was 4.30 am. Was it a dream? The word in my mind was bliss, which seemed so appropriate when I checked the meaning, “extreme happiness, ecstasy, spiritual joy and rapture.”
This blissful encounter repeated itself four times in the following week. Somewhat remarkably I did not feel deprived of sleep despite losing two or three hours every other night. Overall I felt positive to my strange encounters but I felt lonely; I had no one to share this with. Most of my friends would likely have referred me for psychiatric treatment. Another week passed and the connection continued on a regular basis. Finally I knew I had to tell someone but who? I had a client at Whistler that I thought may be helpful and supportive; I had already sensed a strong unconventional spiritual aspect to her nature. My intuition was right but her reaction amused me. “It’s not fair” she exclaimed, “It’s like all my life I believe in Santa Claus and you don’t. Then you’re the one to meet him!” She contributed some wonderful advice, “Do nothing, enjoy it and don’t worry.”
So another couple of weeks flowed by with continued visitations and blissful encounters. The only drawback occurred one night when I asked the presence to leave; the result was waking the next day feeling tired and irritable, a bit like an addict missing their fix. However after three weeks I became concerned about the long-term effects of this kind of nocturnal love affair. I knew that eventually I would have to share the details with the other party. After much coaching from my Whistler friend, I left a message explaining that I was having this intense spiritual encounter that I suspected had to with her but I had no idea how to stop it. She called me back and was not happy, to say the conversation was icy would be an understatement, frigid perhaps would be more accurate. She told me that for the first time in her life she had been having sleeping problems. She was waking in the middle of the night and knew I was involved. She accused me of deliberately focusing my energy on her and worried that my spirit was possessed with evil intentions. In return I shared that I had no idea how to stop it happening and that my sense was that her spirit was engaging me.
However she was convinced that it was nothing to do with her, she just wanted it to stop. We had reached a contretemps to which there appeared to be no ready solution. It seemed sad that for her it was all discomfort and disturbance while for me it has been beautiful and joyful. Were we to be stuck in this strange pas de deux for the foreseeable future? I was willing to let go but had no idea what I needed to do.
* From Thief of Sleep by Shahram Shiv