“Why one and not another
has the power to make us dream,
and cast on us a magic spell
of Happiness supreme?”*
The event that shook my world started with a simple reflection on women and why I had not found a new relationship; I had been separated for almost two years and apart from one spectacularly disastrous encounter, I had not been remotely interested in anyone. I was driving to Whistler on a beautiful starlit night just before Christmas 1995 when my musings recalled a gorgeous, interesting and spiritual woman I had met at an advertising industry awards show. Little did I realize that this simple pondering would trigger a sequence of events that would shatter my existing worldview and change my life forever.
Over the previous few years I had become fascinated by the power of intention and had developed a belief that intention supported by a belief in cosmic energetic support could create the power to manifest; those who have watched The Secret will be familiar with this concept. It is with some embarrassment and a little shame that I admit to putting these forces to work to achieve a goal of a relationship with this alluring vision, so over the holiday period I would bring my desire into my meditation and ask for support from the cosmos to achieve my goal.
It was the first week of the New Year when I asked her to lunch at a beautiful seafood restaurant in Vancouver, and somehow overcoming a mouth that seems to challenge me on such occasions by becoming dryer than the Sahara desert, I asked her out. To my amazement she said, “No.” So much for the cosmic reinforcement of my power of intention! She was very sweet, told me she was flattered but she had just met someone else who she felt could be the potential partner she had been seeking. Of course I was crushed but putting on a brave face I expressed my disappointment and a little bit of surprise that she picked up on. “You are used to getting your own way,” she stated more as a fact than a question. I replied in the affirmative and somewhat shamefacedly explained that I had been enlisting the support of the cosmos in my quest. “Ah that explains it” she exclaimed, “I knew you were thinking about me over Christmas and I wondered why.” This puzzled me so I asked her what she meant. She seemed surprised by my question and that I had never had a similar experience. Lunch concluded, we hugged farewell and I took my disappointment home.
It was made more challenging by the fact that she had been so sweet and if anything that made her even more desirable. For a couple of days I found myself haunted by lost opportunity, almost obsessing over what felt like a bereavement then mid afternoon on Saturday, as an act of completion, I bought her a thank you card that I wrote and mailed. I have never quite understood how it arrived as quickly as it did but on Monday evening she phoned me, not to tell me she had changed her mind, rather to suggest that she felt I had been trying to pressure her. I was confused but did admit my short-lived compulsion then assured her I had stopped. “Yes I know, it was four in the afternoon, I felt you let go”. This was the exact time I made the decision to purchase my completion card. This confounded me. I felt a strange fascination with this form of energetic connection that I would never have believed possible. It seemed to suggest a bond between us but what did it mean? It seemed to be over before it began but little did I know that what I thought was the completion was actually the start of a strange psychic love affair that would test my sanity and cause a total collapse of my existing paradigm.
* From a poem titled The Mystery of Love by Joanne Everett