Fear and Kindness Walking Hand in Hand

November 24, 2008

Although they may seem unlikely companions, on the soul journey, fear and kindness often walk had in hand. We are often more conscious of the kindness than we are of the fear. I sense that kindness is a way that we justify certain actions that in fact are fear based. Let me explain – recently I had brunch with a friend who was struggling with letting go of something that was financially very beneficial yet no longer seemed to be serving him. He explained that the reason he needed to continue was to sustain his business partner who had been very kind and supportive. I sensed an ambivalence and some mixed feelings so explored with him why he needed to take responsibility for his partner. It was kind however perhaps it was getting in the way of his own growth. I asked how it would feel to let go and suddenly he was in touch with the underlying fear that was driving the decision. His kindness was a way to avoid facing his fear. I offered to coach him through this possible transition hastening to add that I would not charge and we could arrange some trade for it. My offer was accepted and I walked home with a strange sense that there was a piece missing from the puzzle. It wasn’t until I went for a bike ride in the afternoon that I noticed a voice asking me why I had been so quick to offer to coach without payment? Of course at first I tried to convince myself that it was about being kind and supportive and was nothing to do with money. However once I went beyond that I realized that fear was actually behind it. Fear I would be turned down (coming back to my own rejection stuff.) I still felt a little uncertain so I had a soul dialogue then drew a rune. I got Partnership – “in business matters you are out on notice not to collapse yourself into that union. For true partnership is only achieved by separate and whole beings who retain their separateness even as they unite.” It seemed to confirm my insight and the adage that we teach that which most want to learn.