Soul Sense

When to push and strive and when to surrender? I had an interesting experience this Spring. As a result of a profound dream I felt guided to do some active imagination. I spent a day in sacred space doing my own personal workshop. This entailed a series of different practices from meditation to journaling and visualization to drawing supported by contemplative music. At the end of the day I reviewed some of the pieces that had come to me and was particularly taken by a drawing I had done. It featured a book called the book of golden ideas, it reminded me that each one of us has our own book to experience which represents the  journey of our life and that part of what I had come here to do was to “go deeper” Gradually a feeling of excitement developed. I was to write a book about going deeper. I leaped into action firing off an e-mail to my circle of intimates asking them what going deeper meant to them. Replies started to arrive and I collated them. Some people were tardy and a few never seem to never get around to answering. I collated them and noticed that I was feeling a little disappointed. It did not seem to be giving me what I was looking for. I tried summarizing some of the key insights but it never came together in a way that inspired me. I decided to let that aspect go for a while trusting it would come to life later on. I moved on to another section which would review concepts of soul. I surrounded myself with books that contained references to soul and started to sift through for gems that I could include. I found my attention wandering, inertia set in and there was no magic in the project. Fortunately I had a trip to England that May that would take my mind off the project for three weeks.
Unfortunately my mind never came back to it. It was only at the end of summer that I got tired of tripping over all the books that surrounded my office that I started to contemplate where I was going. I wondered if I was in resistance and how I could resolve it. The thought of soldiering on appalled me. Yet I realized that if the idea indeed came from my deeper self then I was compelled to break through the inertia. I sat pondering my dilemma and suddenly it occurred that I needed to go back to source and check the credentials of this “divine idea”. I found my journal of the day and reviewed my insight. I smiled as I realized my error. The divine idea had been to “go deeper”. There was nothing about writing a book. However, when I have this kind of breakthrough my ego loves to find a way to attach itself to the opportunity and make it his own. I call it “the ego dressing up in God’s clothing”. The ego liked the idea of writing a book however what the soul was asking was for me to go deeper.
The dominos fell into place. When the ego is attached to an idea it has no power or force. We can get it done by brute effort and employing our mind but it is like rowing upstream against the current. A soul idea comes “pregnant with every opportunity for expression.” (Rev. Marvin Anderson) and has the capacity to unfold much more simply. It is more like floating downstream. Fulfilling a soul desire creates that sense of flow that seems so effortless. My experience of going deeper is exhilarating and spellbinding. I notice my increased desire to devote time and energy to it. Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote “The quality of the imagination is to flow and not to freeze” I think that applies to soul as well.

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